nude beach

wow.  seriously.  it has been 10 days??!!!! since my last blog?  that's totally crazy....sorry....

I've been very busy....trying to pack for a big move from Canada to Texas...but...I have to pause here...even through a pounding migraine.

I have to pause...and write this...because, my superiors are telling me....and so I must.

and excuse the meandering.....I am circumnavigating a brain full of pain....I guess it's a tension headache? stress headache?  whatever it is, I am totally done with it.

so here I am fighting through it and hoping I will just write fast....within the bars of a couple Peter Gabriel songs...Lord, Here Comes the Flood.....

and this.....topic....I've been thinking about for awhile....about being nude...and being naked....

and even more so...I have to write this, because of a fellow google friend, commenting after I posted something on being a Love Magnet....  (from MindBodyGreen)....

basically....you must be...who you are....embrace it....love yourself.  It is so important to enter a relationship as naked as you can be....

and when he commented on this and said, "...be who you are".....  I responded with, "oddly this seems to be a challenge to some people"

and he responded, with something so wonderful...about getting rid of so many lies we tell ourselves...and about unreeling the ball....knot after knot.....every day a fight to make the ball smaller.

and he was so right....it isn't so odd that this is a challenge...to everyone...I think some people make it a priority...

and some people....don't actually realize just how NOT themselves, they are...they still accept so much about them, that isn't actually ....them.


fucking brilliant...


it made me think further...yes, this is exactly the point.
This is the point..... the greatest challenge....is to be exactly who you are.  it seems like this should be the easiest, but indeed....when you think of all the things that you accept....you distort who you are....you put so many layers on yourself...hiding....protecting....layer after layer....

the biggest challenge is to be nude....to be naked.   I guess this might be why I've been drawing and painting so many nudes....a metaphor...for what I want for myself.  To shed layers of things that hide me away from what I want to be....dismantle that which does not serve.

isn't that the dream we should all have?   not for possessions....for they will never make you happy....but what of the thing that someone at 80 or 90 or 100 thinks about as they are about to cross to a different life....what is it?  what did they do on this earth?   how did they love?  what did they feel?   they don't think, at the end of their days....they wished they had more material possessions.

if by reaching a dream state of feeling the most amazingly open...nude, naked....without any hidden motives...

all actions and words coming from a place of love and not fear or control....

being as nude as you can.....attracting those who are just as nude....and having genuine interactions each coming from a place where neither is pretending or hiding.....

for isn't that the most beautiful place?   a nude beach were we can all gather and drop all the layers?

and you know.....seriously...how awkward it is when you're nude...and someone shows up....totally covered up..

a three piece tweed suit.  :)   you know what I'm talking about.....

you're sitting there....all nude....naked....open......and when you are more naked....it makes you realize just how many clothes some people have on... and just how hard it is to relate....

when people great each other.....trying to throw off all that is holding them back...they interact in a place of nakedness....


get naked.....and be vulnerable....

making that ball smaller and smaller......every single day....fight that fight..... to be free....and naked.

the more naked you are...the more you will recognize this nakedness in others...and those are the people you want to hang with.

and Peter Gabriel....

accepting all I've done and said, 
I want to stand and stare again, 
'til there's nothing left out, 
It remains there, in your eyes
whatever comes and goes, 
I will hear your silent call 
I will touch this tender wall, 
'til i know I'm home again....

in your eyes.   

man....that is a great song.  

thank you to, Alejandro....for lighting that spark to make me write this blog.....because, I was really dragging on it...and needed to get it out.

and thanks to james kalin for the perfectly timed tunes......



peace....love...and being naked.

flowing.....

I haven't posted anything in awhile...and before I get back to packing up boxes to make an international move...

I will pause....

and write.... because I think this one is important.     Imagine yourself....as a hose...with water coming out....

but something is closing off part of the hose.....and only some...gets out....the flow is impeded.

this flow of life giving water...is your love...your potential to reach all that you are and can be...it is your energy...your life force...your everything.

you control this flow.....you control the amount of happiness you feel...the amount of love you give....

the amount of energy you express.

when something happens to us....some traumatic experience happens....we start protecting that part of ourselves....which is a great agonizing...soul sucking....life-long defense....

if and only if....we allow ourselves....to release...and no longer protect....can we be free.....liberated from this...

I think I shared this before...but I can't remember....it is an important structural improvement.   :)

"...we normally attempt to solve our inner disturbances by protecting ourselves....real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth."


you gotta feel it to heal it...and welcome change agents... 


"In order to understand how this process works, let's examine the following situation.  Imagine that you have a thorn in your arm, that directly touches a nerve.  When the thorn is touched, it's very painful..."

"this thorn is a constant source of disturbance, and to solve the problem you have only have two choices. The first choice is to look at your situation and decide that since it's so disturbing when things touch the thorn, you need to make sure nothing touches it."

- some people just avoid people....and love....and expressing love because they don't want to get hurt... They protect their heart so much and think by not letting anyone in....or not exposing themselves to love....they won't ever get hurt.....

"the second choice is to decide that since it's so disturbing when things touch the thorn, you need to take it out...Believe it or not, the effects of the choice you make will determine the course of the rest of your life....this is one of the core level, structural decisions that lays the foundation for your future."

"...if you decide you have to keep things from touching the thorn, that becomes the work of a lifetime..."

and that....is limiting....do you want to limit yourself or liberate yourself?  

the  most liberating thing to do for your life...is to stop protecting yourself so much.  I love working in binary terms to clarify....   limit=fear   liberate= love 

Limiting yourself is clearly a from a place of fear- fear of getting hurt, fear of what other people think, fear of disappointing others....

liberating yourself...means that you love yourself and others-that you only want the best for yourself and others...you want your happiness and to let love flow freely....

you need to find yourself....and love yourself....you need to take out those thorns...


(text in quotes taken from, Michael A. Singer, from The Untethered Soul: the journey beyond yourself) 

when you limit.....you close off the hose......  when you liberate....you let it flow...fully.  


it may sound counterintuitive at first, because everyone wants to protect themselves and thinks this is what brings happiness....but it is a shallow happiness that keeps you from.....something truly amazing.  

peace and love...and letting yourself flow.... like a river to the sea....unimpeded by obstacles or debris... or thorns.  

(www.tylerkentwhite.com ) 

small great things....

and so...I am packing...and as I go through drawers....the junk ones...where everything lands....

I weed through small objects such as corks, rubber bands, twisty ties, change....birthday candles...straws....chopsticks....

and in my head....as I toss things....I think...

in some kind of apocalyptic world, I might really need these things....maybe I could trade them for something...or maybe I could MacGyver them together to make a fishing pole...that would be useful....if the water is clean and there are plenty of fish...or maybe...just....you don't know how you might be able to use a cork...

because small things....can be great things.....and small steps....lead to great things....

I think it's because I really value being prepared for something unexpected.  I remember as a new mommy...with a little baby, the ability to be prepared for the unexpected made a huge difference between....smooth sailing, crisis averted....and the complete opposite shit show.  

having enough wipes on hand for a blow out...thinking ahead for possible breast feeding locations...being warm enough in the winter...having enough snacks on hand....

you kind of know...after not having these things....what is going to happen... and after once or twice.... 

you start some serious process improvement in the preparedness area....

small acts of great power... 

something so small you do today....is leading the way for something great.... 

don't waste that chance to gather up these small things....

amazing things.....happen through the smallest of steps......adding up....building.... 

peace....

and love....

and making all the small things count....never underestimate the importance of that seemingly small thing placed in your path....gather it up.....it will be important later. 

hope...

I've been reading a bunch of stuff....about hope....and what hope does to you...and your goals...

it seems you can have the ability...the talent...the knowledge....to reach a goal...but if you don't have hope...

you won't get there...


and hope....is made of love....


and conversely..... hopelessness....lacks love....

even in the darkest of situations...having the ability to reach hope....to be optimistic...to turn perceptions around and find that.....there is always light....


this is one of the most powerful things...you can do.  


and it takes practice....to rewire your brain to think in a more positive and hopeful way.....

the more you do it...

the more you can do it....easier and easier.... but it is a decision you have to make....be the victor or be the victim.



and....positive thinking...

it is contagious.  



I was reading Victor Frankl quotes....and came upon this.....as he spoke of his time walking through a cold icy night....a long walk from a hard work day...back to the concentration camps...

"a thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets,
proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers.  The truth- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which Man can aspire.  Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and believe have to impart:  the salvation of Man is through love and in love. 
 I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.  In a position of utter desolation, when Man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his stufferings in the right way- an honorable way- in such a position Man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment.  For the first time in my life I was able to understand the meaning of the words, " The Angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory."  ....



love.  


and hope.  

optimism....

faith....

having all these....and using them.....powerful tools....tools that will take you places....unbelievable places.  

peace...and love....and hope.....

deus ex machina....

I had a bizarre dream last night.....it involved Sting....I will spare you the details...but, the setting was Hawaii....

and Sting was there.....and.....well....bizarre....(I love Sting, but man....this was crazy)


speaking of deus ex machina....or not....or maybe even Ghost in the Machine...

I was prompted to discuss the topic of 'dreams'....which made me really deconstruct....this word, "Dream"....

like...what happens when someone asks you what your "dreams" are?   What are dreams?  What is the purpose of a dream?  What's the purpose of love? for that matter....

because I think they both run on the same fuel.....


love...and dreams....


and while I'm totally making no sense....or a lot of sense.....they both benefit from a little deus ex machina....don't they?

seriously....this is that kind of post....that will be explained later....so let's just enjoy the preview...and the ride...

and I'll set up the next post by saying,

the biggest dream you can have it just....getting in touch with yourself...and loving yourself....being authentic...

being able to express yourself the way you need to...(because once you do this...every 'dream' you have is flowing from the place of the ultimate Dream...and that's a beautiful thing....)


and love?   Love is like....a high performance vehicle....high octane....

if you want to hide it away in a garage....where nobody gets to enjoy it....where you can't take it out for a spin and really open her up...for fear of scratching her...of getting hurt...

then....what's the point?  

love needs to be driven hard and fast....I think.....saving love....because you don't want to be hurt...

hiding your heart because you don't like the pain....

means...you just park it in the garage....and shine it up once in a while....never to actually drive it.

what a waste of a perfectly good prancing pony.

some people are like that....they just hide....away....afraid of really feeling....


it's like Cameron's dad in Ferris Bueller's day off....if you know what I mean.

Ferris knew how to drive a car.....

the more you drive it....and make it work....the more you feel....the more your heart is open to love....and really feeling love....

some people live their whole lives....going 20 mph...in a car that can go....much much faster than that...in a car that can handle the speed....


so....

drive that car....love the road...and the curves....and the whole damn thing.


and I think that's enough to say....until next time...


peace and love...and deus ex machina.......

detox...your soul.

doesn't this look crazy?   it's a clay mask....and it's cooling- yet burning- and gets rid of toxins.....pulls them out of your pores....

sometimes you gotta detox....you know?

YOU KNOW....(of course you do)

you totally do.  sometimes you have to take the toxic people and limit your exposure to them.....

or if you have to be around them...then once in a while...it would be nice to put a clay mask on your soul...and take out the crap that they left there.....ugh.  yuck.

you know....we do so much to ourselves....we take time to drink water....and eat veggies....and work out...and well....physical stuff....and we read books...and entertain our minds.....for mental stuff...

but what do we do to really reach our soul...replenish...revitalize...regenerate....because there can be some real....soul- killing things out there... stuff we do to ourselves...and stuff other people lay on us.

yup.....because a big one is hanging out with toxic people.....you know...the unhappy people who just like to pour their unhappiness out to other people....misery loves company....


but so does....love...

and happiness..... like-  real love and happiness.....loves when real love and happiness is around....


so...yeah......you gotta dig deep and give your soul a squeeze.. :)


maybe it's time to do some detoxifying?     and one of the ways to do this...really....is to be the Kerberos of your....

soul.....

protect it.

love...and peace...and happiness.....and Kerberos....because this week's word of the day (AWAD) is related to Pluto. :)


Bam.


and because this.....reminds me of an under worldly type of moon.....for Pluto.

AND.....Happy Birthday to my daughter, Zoey...who turns 7.  <3

touring contours....

as I get ready for my first art show.....at Rumble House...I look through my work from the last year of painting....

and I am reminded about.....my tour.....of contours...and thanks to a friend...I am able to put into words...

this tour.

I've mentioned before...my delight for well crafted words together...I admire the art of grouping words together to express something....hard to express.  I use paint....but some people can just....put words together in such a way- in makes your heart turn like a windmill....putting emotion into motion...

a gathering of words....that make your brain pour a cocktail of chemicals that produce a beautiful feeling....

it is a beautiful talent.....and when I read words that people take the time to place together in a certain order....that make my heart melt.


I hold on to them....and treasure them as I do, special treasures discovered on a walk along the beach....unusual shaped shells....bright green seaglass.....I hold on to them.


and so.....

here is my preview...to my show.....

Touring Contours.....

If anyone has any suggestions to put in the show...please let me know....

thanks for hanging with me this year....and giving me a ton of encouragement...support...kind words....

peace...and love....and sharing this ride with me......