so what'cha want?

picture it....picture your desires in your head...picture them in detail....walk around in that dream and feel what it feels like to be there...now....are you happy there?  yes...of course you are...

there...

you are welcome.


that is the first step.....step into your dream....act and feel as if you are there....indeed you will be.


but you gotta know what you want.  there's no half-assing this one. you gotta throw both cheeks into it.

:) it doesn't matter...how...or when....just do it.   give your dream a shape....feel it..sculpt it...define it in a way....a way that you can feel it and go there....


so whatcha want?    people want happiness...not just the kind of happiness that comes when you drink in something fleeting that makes you happy...but the kind of drunk happy that makes you feel you are swimming in an ocean of happy....

it's when the string of warm asylums are so frequent....it makes you feel true....deep happiness.

but wanting happiness....it way to...vague....you gotta give it some shape....and know what you want...and sometimes....recognizing what you DON'T want...gives shape and light...defining in a way...what you do want.  It's like...knowing you don't want to spend the rest of your life in antarctica....so....you know you want to live in Arcadia.....and sometimes...you don't give yourself enough room to dream...and say...damnit....I don't want to just....NOT live in Antarctica....but...  I WANT TO live in Utopia.....

and sometimes...you get bored with just....touching the reflection of stars in the pond....sometimes...you gotta look up and say.....

I'm going to touch a star.....

not just a reflection.

so....dream....

big.

if you don't dream big....you'll never get there....

I don't believe in stop signs....


...but like a dream I'm flowing without no stopping, 
sweeter than a cherry pie with ready whip topping going' from mic
to mic 

kickin' it wall to wall well I'll be calling out you people
like a casting call 
it's back when you're jacked in the back of a ride...

with your know with your flow when you're out getting by

believe me...what you see is what you get and you see me coming off

as you can bet...


(so what'cha want, Beastie Boys) 



peace...and love....and never stop....there are no stop signs in dreams....maybe there's....blinking traffic lights?  i have no idea what those mean....so, I just disregard....

play on. 

have you hugged your fairy today?

ever wonder who gives Tinkerbell a hug when she's down and needs more wind beneath her wings?

sometimes you just need another human being....to take the light....and shine it for you.


it's hard to be Tinkerbell.  so....when you recognize the loving little fairy in your life....

as a being

who brings magic into your life... <3  hug her.  remember to hug her.  

because shining so bright...

take a whole crap load of energy....

maybe I just need a glass of wine or two.  

or chocolate...

and the chocolate reserves are becoming dangerously low...

which means....a bunny might lose an ear.  

and today...that which warmed this fairy's heart....

Clocks, by Cold play...but not just any Clocks...one with a Cuban flavor....from Rhythm Del Mundo, 

The lights go out and I can't be saved

Tides that I tried to swim against

Have brought me down upon my knees

Oh I beg, I beg and plead, singing...

Come out of things unsaid

Shoot an apple off my head and a 

Trouble that can't be named

A tiger's waiting to be tamed, singing

you are....

you are...

Confusion, never stops

Closing walls and ticking clocks...

gonna come back and take you home

I could not stop that you now know...singing

Come out upon my seas, 

Cursed missed opportunities, 

Am I a part of the cure? 

Or am I part of the disease? Singing...

You are, you are, you are....

and nothing else compares, 

you are...

home....home.....where I wanted to go....

peace and love...and Tink.  she was a badass fairy who didn't take any crap from anyone....

but she always needed people to believe in her.  

<3 

fool in the rain...

this might be long...I'm not sure....I had a lot to say a minute ago.

so,

I've been reading about limbic resonance.  fascinating.  it is our ability to share emotional states with another.

so...somebody walks into the room...and you pick up on their mood...be it happy...or angry...

I read...it is like...let's say, a violin string vibrates...and strings next to it vibrate as well...resonating with the played string.


it's the way...panic can spread quickly through a large crowd of people...

and it's the way....we can experience love....and we can also, have a feeling...of not liking someone the second you meet them...these 'gut' instincts....seem to be attributed to limbic resonance...

feelings...leap...between brains....and you can share what another human is feeling....share emotional states..and their emotions...start to change yours.

limbic regulation deals with becoming synced up with another...or several others in the way that heartbeats....sleep patterns....as humans, it is important to be surrounded by others to help regulate our own systems, neurochemistry....etc.  we are social beings and actually need others to help keep our balance and regulate our limbic system.

what is fascinating is this part about limbic revision....that one's heart changes the other...one's mind changes the other....a give and take between partners...in that your limbic system is not a closed circuit one...

nope.  it gets revised by people around you.   who we are....depends on who we love.  we are impacted by our limbic surroundings.  being in a relationship with an awesomely happy person...is good stuff....good for you....and good for them.  :)  because you can both feed off each other's awesome.


that's right....and being with someone who is negative...no matter how hard you try to stay positive...will start to drain you.


being with someone who is an asshole...that's not so much fun.  people who have mismatched chemistry can drive each other crazy...a miserable feedback loop...and apparently...someone who ends up being in a bad mood, gets stimulated to feel this one emotion...and basically can get stuck in a bad mood for weeks.  ugh...so.....you may start to feel this...as your own mood...or, of course, then....you have to kick some ass and try to revise their mood.  transference....


so....for your limbic sanity....resonance....regulation...and revision.... spend some time...be with someone who throws sunshine in your face... surround yourself with awesome people...and resonate happiness to other people who are having craptastic days... :)  their mood just needs revisions.  :)



when I was in junior high....I was walking my dog...and passed a few boys my age on the path....I knew them....except for one....and when I asked his name...they told me his name was Jimmy Page....well....not knowing Led Zepelin at that time....I kinda just figured...his name was Jimmy Page...and from then on....he was Jimmy Page to me whenever I saw in in the halls.....true story.

i love this one...for it's beat...and the cool latin stuff happening in the middle and all of it...it makes me smile...

Fool In the Rain...


well, there's a light in your eye that keeps shining
like a start that can't wait for the night...
I hate to think I've been blinded baby,
Why can't I see you tonight?

And the warmth of your smile starts a -burnin'
and the thrill of your touch gives me fright
and I'm shaking so much, really yearning
why don't you show up and make it all right?

yeah...it's all right...

no I will stand in the rain on the corner
I'll watch the people go shuffling downtown
another ten minutes no longer
and then I'm turning around...

the clock on the wall's moving slower,
my heart it sinks to the ground
and the storm that i thought would blow over,
clouds the light of the love that I found...

Now My body is starting to quiver
and the palms of my hands getting wet,

I've got no reason to doubt you baby,
It's all a terrible mess.

I'll run in the rain till I'm breathless,
when I'm breathless I'll run till I drop, hey...
the thoughts of a fool's kind of careless,
I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block...

oh yeah...

light of the love that I found...



peace...and love....and being on the right block....of course...now we have cell phones and can say,

'where the hell are you?'  

something so right...

I'm hoping to jump on a couple of art opportunities...soon.  but...I'll wait...

I'll wait to share more detail when I can share more detail...and I'm hoping there will be more detail to share.

but....the point...of this blog...is...

you can go from...this...

I painted some lines....gessoed on top of an old canvas that was going to be a cherry tree....

to this...

in a couple of hours...

what is my point?   things can look completely....uncertain...but you have to have faith....you may have to scrap something you tried before....build on top of the foundation of other efforts....

and then....

voila.

something shifts...and stars align...and something wonderful happens...and when it does...


appreciate the crap out of it....create and appreciate.  when I saw the photo that I am using for this painting....

i just...I was pulled to paint it....and so....I had to paint it...and thank you to

Κωνσταντίνος Βενιέρης - (dino venieri).  

for letting me paint his incredible shot.


something so right...


you've got the cool water.

when the fever runs high,
and you've got the look of love right in your eyes
and I was in a crazy motion

'til you calmed me down....


it took a little time,
but you calmed me down.


some people never say the words, "i love you.."

it's not their style to be so bold,
some people never say the words, "i love you.."
but like a child, they're longing to be told.


they've got a wall in China,
it's a thousand miles long,
to keep out the foreigners
they made it strong,

and I've got a wall around me

that you can't even see...

it took a little time,
to get next to me.

if something goes wrong, I'm the first to admit it,
the first to admit it, but the last one to know..

if something goes right, well, it's likely to lose me.
it's apt to confuse me...

because it's such an unusual sight, oh...

I can't get used to something so right...

to something so right....


peace...and love....and getting used to something....so right and recognize it when it happens....

create opportunity....don't just wait for it to happen....

tear down the walls so opportunity can reach you.  

fol lol the doh fol the day...

fol lol the doh fol the day.....


and now that we're in march...it's time to celebrate green things...it's my birthday month and
St. Patrick's day....and feeling more like spring....

and being Irish...there is a fondness for green. 

the three greens...

I wanted to increase my green power in the watercolors so I decided on three new ones by Daniel Smith...

rare green earth

this a grainy green that looks like the color of spruce....blue/green...and the pigment separates and shows a great texture as it dries.  the pigment runs from pale green to darker green all in the same sample.  

rich green gold

this green is exactly as it's name says....it is a beautiful vibrant deep yellow with a hint of green.  would be great as highlights in leaves and grass.  it's gorgeous.  not grainy.  

green apatite genuine 

I love this vibrant fresh green.  The pigment is deep and rich...and as it puddles, the location of the heaviest pigment looks like a combination of a deep evergreen and a bright grassy green....it is amazing to watch it dry and sink into the texture of the paper...the variation is complex...in places it spreads in rivulets of grainy grey.  It contains real apatite for the pigment and is grainy.   

and the Theme from Harry's Game...

Written by the brother of Enya...and a member of Clannad...it's the only British hit single, sung entirely in Irish....

beautiful and haunting...

Imtheochaidh soir is siar

Adthainig ariamh

an ghealach is an ghrian

fol lol the doh fol the day

fol the doh fol the day

translated...

I will go east and go west

(to the places) from whence came

the moon and the sun

the moon and the sun will go

and the young man

with his reputation behind him

I will go wherever he came from

the young man with his reputation behind him 

peace...and love...and March.....which will come in like a lamb....and go out like a lion.  

#lion

#watercolors

#clannad

I wish....

ahhh, yes...ain't that fresh...everybody wants to get down like that....

in the late 80's...my Dad lived in Washington D.C., and I'd go out and visit him....

totally different music scene than what I knew....and I loved it...

I like a lot of different music....but...I have a soft spot for a little R &B, hip hop...and whatnot from this chunk of time....Mary J. Blige, De La Soul, Jodeci, Mint Condition, Shai....oh man. 

and when I was in high school, I was on the dance performance team...and my senior year, I was one of 6 girls (elected by the seniors the year before) who put together the show...choreographed main dance numbers and organized try-outs...choreographed the try out dance...worked on costume design...and set design.  the whole nine.  it was an awesome experience...

and the summer before my senior year, when I was in D.C. visiting, it was my job to record....and gather some cool stuff for our dances...fond memories.... and experiences.  

you know....my Dad and step-Mom were working...so...I had to occupy myself during the day...painting was something I totally did...but...also- I had to get out of the house and take on a busy city...and the subway system. 

and this....

this painting is a throw back from that time.  this oil painting of a water buffalo I did.  (picture taken from Isak Dinesen's Africa: Images of the Wild Continent from the writer's life and words) 

I was one of the 'special' ones in painting who got dibs on supplies...ha....I guess I was a 'favorite' of the art teacher... and 

...it was my favorite class... My art teacher helped me...and taught me how to stretch a canvas....

Art 

and 

Spanish...the two things that stay with me and shape me...still...today.  language and art.  

and the song....I wish...by Skee-lo.....always puts a smile on my face.  

ahhhh.....

hey you, what's that sound? everybody look what's goin' down.  

I wish I was a little bit taller....I wish I was a baller....

try to make a wish....and say it out loud.  

and watch as it flies into the wind.....setting up some roots somewhere....

and

comes true.  

because....they totally do.  

peace.....and love....and wishes....coming true...be the king....or queen....of your story....rule your awesome-ness.....be the hero in your book..and kick ass in it.  

maximum joy....

ahhh...it is MARCH!  

the elusive happy.  some people think it's so hard to be happy.  ppfffftttt...

we have control of our neurochemicals....

we can release oxytocin and all kinds of feel good chemicals in our body...sending a flood of bliss through our whole body....

at will.  

you can do the opposite too...and feel miserable..but who the hell wants that?  

anyway....

making yourself happy is as easy as thinking about something that makes you happy....or doing something that makes you happy...or just appreciating something...

the other day...something really simply sublime hit me....of things that make me happy....

getting hugged by someone who smells really good... and then you smell like that...and it hangs on you...like the hug stays with you and it's a warm reminder...it's the sweet smell infused in your clothes.  

that made me.....really happy.  

also....

listening to my happy music....the stuff that makes me tingle all over....like my whole body is giggling.  :)  

and what makes me hit maximum joy?  painting something cool while I listen to my favorite music...AND eating chocolate.  holy crap....fahgedaboutit if the sun is shining that day....

yeah....wow.  

that's like holy trinity of bliss....upon doing all these things...all the feel good awesome neurochemicals overflow...burst through flood gates....smash through the breakwater....

and voila.  maximum joy and bliss...it's like love takes over your whole body and you feel like a big...

smile.  and love is all around.....

when you feel bliss and love...you see bliss and love in everything.  

what takes it over the top.....is then...sharing the creation with others.....inspiring them....getting inspired by them.  

before you know it....it's like a sunshine hurricane....

starting in a cell, a local weather cell, but really- literally.....in cells....in my brain....neurotransmitters firing.....coming out in splashes of color.... line and shape....

which then gets set free....out to the world...seminating sunshine and love....happiness.

flowing back to me...in a feedback loop of perfection...and really...the more you are able to exercise your happy neurotransmitters...the better they can fire and make you feel happiness....like I said before...

you create your reality.... and you can create your happiness.  at will.  

you don't ever have to depend on someone else to make you happy....

it's totally true....you can totally make yourself have a day....where you are high as a kite happy. 

just gotta flood yourself...SURROUND yourself....expose yourself....to things that make you happy.  

a happy flood....is the best kind. 

and the song today....

from Frankie Goes to Hollywood....

Maximum Joy...

On glory day, we'll get the gifts of heaven up above, 

all around you hope and joy..to find and fall in love...

can you feel that maximum joy? 

Rolling 'round like a brand new boy..

Rain and sunshine from heaven. 

Feeling the wonder....of sun, rain and thunder....

unraveling life's mysteries, living to make history...free at last

let dreamers dream...and lovers leap.  (Maximum Joy, Frankie Goes to Hollywood)

bliss. 

this is both funny and weird....the other day...while taking a shower, I noticed two strands of my long hair on the shower wall...and together, they formed the outline of a curvy woman...and her long hair...and I thought....I have to sketch that when I get out.... :)

inspiration is everywhere.  you just have to open your eyes.  

peace...and love....and joy.....smile and eat chocolate.  create something....