base camp....

I'm on a vision quest....and about every year.....i feel like i reach a base camp.

and then I get prepared for the next leg.

when I got to this base camp...I realized that....i've been severely handicapped.  I opened up my backpack of supplies and tools and found....

a mess of tools that won't do me so well for what I've been trying to do and what I need to do coming up.

plus my supplies ran dangerously low last trek.  starving and in need of supplies.

and this just won't do.

and if you just stumbled upon my blog for the first time... yes.  I'm all about the analogy.

I have a PhD in Linguistics...and I'm all about the search for patterns and connecting them to something bigger....

and so the analogy.....is kind of....my natural route.

the next few blogs will be....hopefully...working through some of the things I'm going to need....before I set off again.

so here we go.....


sometimes a tool you used.....just doesn't cut it anymore.  The tool is either dull....or your path changed and you just can't get by anymore with it.

and sometimes when the path changes, and you don't recognize that it did...and you keep using that same damn tool....thinking it will work in all situations...it just doesn't.

like when you switch from driving a manual to an automatic...and you keep going for the clutch.

sometimes you normalize things and get by with the minimum when your journey actually requires a full set of tools and

when you start realizing the tools you are missing and then actually start using those tools....


voila.  you can make way better progress.  


some people just sit on a rock and think,  gee....I wish I could figure out what I need.

that happens too.   sometimes you don't even know WHAT you need until someone comes along and points out...


hey....you don't have a pick axe?   HOW COULD YOU BE ON THIS JOURNEY WITHOUT ONE???  and HOW THE HELL HAVE YOU MADE IT THIS FAR WITHOUT ONE?


oh man, I know......

once someone puts a pick axe in your hand and you get to use it for the first time.

damn. that is magical .


we all have to learn from each other.....and some people have a much better handle on assessing the journey....what is needed...what will be needed.....what you can do without.

and sometimes you just have to figure those parts on your own.

but when someone hands you a pick axe and says...here.....use this.


I suggest you use it and be thankful.....because that one tool could really save your ass one day.


and this might all make sense to you.....or you might read it and go...what in the fuck?  but....

if it makes sense to you...go ahead and share it...and if you have a pick axe to share....make sure you do so.


Today.....I was at the vet.  I noticed a woman come in and walk up to the counter.  her dress was unzipped in the back...like the last 6 inches.  

now....you can ignore this.....and let her figure it out on her own...


or ......you can do what I did.....and...

I walked up to her....and told her, quietly.. "your dress is lovely....let me zip it up for you."   I brushed her hair out of the way and zipped it.

and she was so grateful.  her husband was supposed to and forgot....and she was headed to the grocery store next.



peace and love....and making perfect use of the tools you have and acquiring the tools you need.....

because the path changes.

and so should your tools.

lover...

I'm a lover....

not a fear-er.

right?

being a lover sounds better than being a fear-er.  Some people don't even realize how much they fear...or how much fear steers them in their life... fears that shouldn't even be fears....


Love......

Love is that strength and faith and resolution to move forward with fearlessness.

If there are truly two emotions....Love and Fear...and all thoughts and behavior run through either of these two veins...

then...

you can reduce your words.....and thoughts....behavior and actions....to the original source.   This is to that person...

the one who spends life competing.  treating life like a competition....getting emotionally rewarded by 'winning'....

what of competition? and people who always want to 'beat' someone- or something....

 competitive and need to be 'right'.....fear....fear of losing.

who loses out? the constant need to be 'right'.....the people around you who have to deal with this fear...

and who are constantly argued with just so you can argue your point louder and end up forcing your 'rightness'.....and what about your 'rightness'.....were you actually 'right'?  or were you just obnoxiously louder....

and then...of course- you suffer......when you wanted so much to 'win' ...at all costs.... it ended up costing a whole lot.

it costs a whole lot.  you're smarter than that.  come on.  You constantly....run risk reward scenarios....

Love doesn't argue like that.   Love doesn't have to 'win'.....  Love doesn't walk around trying to be 'right'....

Love is love.  Love has no fear of losing.....because love is just fine being love.

what do I mean by this?  I mean....when you act with love....and you let go of your attachments to appearance and winning...


you just are.   contentment and bliss.....just being.  Because you love yourself and don't have to prove a damn thing....

I used to hesitate to make art...as if I was going to do something 'wrong'....but you know what?  fuck it....what does that even mean?  "wrong" ......  I just started a mural....didn't plan it....didn't sketch it out....didn't sit and ponder what the fuck I was going to do....

i got an idea...

I went for it.

I poured some paint....grabbed some brushes....a cup....some water.... and I just painted.

because....

I love to paint....and I don't fear.





peace..and love....and fearlessness.  

the sweetest thing...

I was going through a quiet phase of no music...just didn't have the desire to turn on the music....


which is weird....because I always have music going....it's like my morning coffee....the melodies move me physically...

but...I stopped playing music....and I realized it...one day.  that I wasn't turning the music on...

and then...


I heard a song...that turned my day around... (GO! by M83)... . see HERE for the video of this sketch. 

.the kind of song that hits you and you're instantly reminded....

that there is a before....and after that song.  like friends....

when you meet that special friend...and life before them...oh, how was life before them?  and now that you know them.....how can life ever be without them?

sometimes you have to remind yourself that

the sweetest things....can turn your world around, if you appreciate them and really let yourself feel how they change your

world.


take a moment and understand that feeling you get when someone reaches in and strums

your

strings.


 
peace and love....


and life's symphony

once upon a midnight- dreary...

Tra la la la la bombardier this is the pilot speaking
And I've got some news for you
It seems my ship still stands no matter what you drop
And there ain't a whole lot that you can do

Oh sure the banner may be torn and the wind's gotten colder
Perhaps I've grown a little cynical
But I know no matter what the waitress brings
I shall drink it and always be full
Yeah, I will drink it and always be full

Oh I like coffee, and I like tea
I'd like to be able to enter a final plea
I still got this dream that you just can't shake
I love you to the point you can no longer take

Well all right okay
So be that way, I hope and pray
That there's something left to say  (Blues Traveler, Run-Around) 

Peace and love....and always standing.....

I love this song.....

the necessary....

needs....and necessary.

the essential.

find out what your essential is and then....make sure that you know how to have that essential in your life....and celebrate it.  Embrace it...and give power to it.


some things.....seem "nice" to have- maybe they make life a bit easier at times...but what is the essential?

the essential things are what makes you happy.

the unnecessary cloud the environment....and sometimes makes a big puddle where the essential get blocked out.

back to basics...and you are left with what?

what is essential to you?

a bunch of surface relationships that take away from deep and meaningful connections?


no.

a whole lot of distractions that prevent you from seeing what is fulfilling?


what is fulfilling to you?

which brings me to the point.....what does it mean to be fulfilling?   Some friends or acquaintances that you know....might not share a deep connection with you....however....

It always makes me....wonder.  Why people feel the need to do mass deletings of "friends" on FB.   as if all these people they aren't actively communicating with are just.....deletable?

that somehow this person who is listed as your friend is just someone you absolutely can't learn from...or you can teach them something....

I just.....I don't see the purpose of that.  How we do anything is how we do everything....and I couldn't  put my experiences in a safely locked box...clutter free....I dunno.

but some people want to 'simplify' their life.....so they just start tossing things out...people and friends and old t-shirts.

as if this will give them a clutter free life.


I think they are missing the bigger picture.....I think....and I feel....that deconstruction of something....the

stripping down to the basics.....

the 'simplifying' and abstracting to the essential,

means that you identify your

necessary.

If all you do is throw everything away, just to "simplify" ....and miss the point of identifying what is your essential...

you just end up with an empty room....and empty experiences....with less people around to share and grow with.....

what you can do is....gain your essential.....respect your necessary....embrace your basics...flow into them and feel

deeper connections..... fill the fulfilling with yourself.....reaching ever deeper the meaningful.  

Maybe you need to throw it all out and start fresh?  maybe a blank canvas helps you realize what you really need?

for me....I have a box of watercolors....and acrylics sometimes weaved together....with brushes....and everything hanging out in the same space....




but there are essentials that I always go to....the ones that I need.  the brush I always need...the color that I always need....and those are the ones I go to....always.


and it's ok if they also live with the other brushes and colors.....that's ok. Sometimes the other colors come out....sometimes the other brushes....

but the go-to- ones....I share a special connection with....and I've identified these....they speak to me in a way that no other ones do.  We sing a special song together.  We are harmony, we are deep understanding, we are unwavering and unconditional.



so much happens in the day that we can place so much emphasis on what needs to be done...instead

of how we need to be with each other and with ourselves.

I hear too many times in my home "You know what we need...."   I cringe.  So much "need" but what

is the truly necessary.    Everyone has their own necessary...


find your necessary.


peace and love....and essence.

no erasing....

I don't use erasers....one reason is that I always lose them so I never have them on hand.....

which is maybe the only reason why

I just don't use them.... ?       I'm just used to not having them and not using them...

and also.... whatever line I put down....can be used.  Use everything....use the weird line....and surround it with other lines that are approximately where you want lines to be....learn from it...build off it.



commit to the mark.....take a breath and put it down on the paper....


lines...like words....don't really go away even if you try to erase it

....so make your mark in life...and on the paper...

with intention to create

something.....



good.

make good and do good.....peace and love.

accidental tourist....

it is a rainy day....

fresh smelling...and everything growing.

i'll jump right in...

I like being a tourist and I don't mind looking like one...I'm there to learn and explore and see what is waiting to be discovered...

I don't mind holding a map in my hand...I'm not there to look a certain way...or conceal my intentions.  I'm not there to build up a wall around me as I walk through the city...I'm open and vulnerable to its mysteries.  I'm there to open my eyes and ears and take it in.

much like...when you meet a person for the first time.  You are a tourist....visiting their place....as they are a tourist visiting yours.

you can be open....vulnerable....receptive....give them kind directions if they get lost....give them a tour of all the awesome places....and if you trust them...you can show them the stuff that isn't on the general map.

and when you visit them....you get to see them as a tour guide into their place.  Some people are just as open as when you were hosting them.  Some people take your hand and share with you all the weird and wonderful.  They share their lexicon...they share the crazy places reserved for people who appreciate and love being there.

and some people.....see you as a tourist and spit in your face....close the doors....board up the windows....

and kick you out.

right?   and so....when you get kicked out.....you do the same.... who wants someone like that in their own town?

and sometimes you're an accidental tourist....you stumble on someone who surprises you and you take a strange turn and voila....you're the tourist....when you didn't even expect to be.

I love these adventures.  You stand in line at the ski lift and go on a special trip...

some people can surprise you and take you by the hand when you didn't even expect to go anywhere.

that is connection.

however.....invitations and guided tours are special and when you are presented with the chance to go somewhere...

you should go in peace and love...and being happy with your  OWN place helps you be happy in their place...


safe travels....you never know where you will end up or who you meet....or who you will influence.

you can learn something from every single place you go.....



peace and love....and accidental tourists...visitors....and guests.