not really feeling like a goddess, although I was going to write a post about feeling sparkly and whatnot. I just...have a cold or something...headachy and yucky...and it's summer- so that stinks.
I will post about this another time...perhaps.
What I will say in that post-to-come- is.... bottom-line.... about happiness...and all things that make you feel ignited.
The last few years, I have been working hard at finishing my PhD in Linguistics and having babies and raising babies. A lot of work and energy and effort was spent on this...achieving this academic goal and keeping a family happy and healthy. I ignored my needs a lot....I didn't realize how important it was to listen to what I needed...and to give myself what I needed. I felt deflated instead of elated. I felt cranky a lot.
What's the point?
The point is to find some passion in life.... otherwise...what IS the point?
I had a crazy feeling one afternoon in March. It was so bizarre....I immediately started google-ing what I was feeling to figure out what it was.
I usually lay down with the kids during nap time and listen to music...and relax...sometimes nap.
I was just listening to music....minding my own business ;) when....a wave....of pure bliss took over my whole body. I felt like I was on morphine or something....but it was all natural and it was all so....seemingly random- meaning- I wasn't really trying to feel bliss and I wasn't really thinking of something or trying to be all meditative. I felt like I was floating on a cloud of awesomeness....peace....bliss....joy....all of that. And it was awesome and crazy....and unexpected. So- TO THE GOOGLE! and I searched and google-d things like "bliss" and whatnot...and DOWN the rabbit hole I went.... full of new- agey stuff....and weird stuff...and crazy stuff....you can imagine- it is the internet after all.
and I remind you...I am not a crazy person.
I was totally intrigued...how can I feel like this? er...what the hell is happening to me? and WOW....if this is what if feels like for people on some crazy drug...I can see why they get hooked. It was amazing...I tell you....amazing.
Well, kids started to get up from naps...and I had to get dinner started...so....that was that....
I tried to reproduce the experience during other naps....but it took awhile to reach it again...but I did.
I know it sounds weird.... but.... so... things started happening to me after that. I'll talk about those later...and as you can see- I use (dot dot dot) a lot....that's my thing. I'm a linguist and that's what I do to enrich my written speech. :)
So anyway....where was I? Oh...yes....the pure bliss. This bliss had an impact on me...I have a new...underlying level of peace. Just peace and happiness- and ok-ness that I didn't have before. I feel more complete and balanced...and strong- and just....kinda kick ass. I thought I was happy before.... but after feeling this level of bliss...I can see that, when I read things in the past about happiness being inside of you- that you do not have to seek external things to make you happy- it is, true. You don't need to go anywhere on a trip to find yourself... you don't need more money....you don't need stuff....you don't need anything, but your own...self love...(like- really loving the crap out of yourself) that creates a spark....and voila...here comes happiness...hmmmmm- or rather- I found happiness and it created a spark...
But- once you have that happiness...you can take that sh*t anywhere...and be anywhere...and just be....happy. Because when you find your happiness...you can't shake it. It's there- and there is nothing quite like it- and when you find your happiness...your passion has a place to live. I'm not sure...or vice versa, perhaps- maybe when you find your passion...your happiness has a place to live. (i'm not an expert....or a crazy person)
So what I know is...I've been so much more creative...and have done things I never would have tried before...like spending a whole vacation wearing a bikini.
But yes....it isn't all happy all the time.... it is life after all...ups and downs and whatnots....some things....make me less happy- Like bees and wasps and things that sting...also, I don't like ketchup on my hot dog, ever. :) like...ever.
anyway....
this is just my experience with finding my way through life...and appreciating where I am and who I am....who I am not....and feeling the love....beautiful unconditional love....and happiness....and whatnot. Life will throw you a lot of crap...tests...just tests...get through them and shine and kick ass.
<3 and O
No comments:
Post a Comment