nude beach

wow.  seriously.  it has been 10 days??!!!! since my last blog?  that's totally crazy....sorry....

I've been very busy....trying to pack for a big move from Canada to Texas...but...I have to pause here...even through a pounding migraine.

I have to pause...and write this...because, my superiors are telling me....and so I must.

and excuse the meandering.....I am circumnavigating a brain full of pain....I guess it's a tension headache? stress headache?  whatever it is, I am totally done with it.

so here I am fighting through it and hoping I will just write fast....within the bars of a couple Peter Gabriel songs...Lord, Here Comes the Flood.....

and this.....topic....I've been thinking about for awhile....about being nude...and being naked....

and even more so...I have to write this, because of a fellow google friend, commenting after I posted something on being a Love Magnet....  (from MindBodyGreen)....

basically....you must be...who you are....embrace it....love yourself.  It is so important to enter a relationship as naked as you can be....

and when he commented on this and said, "...be who you are".....  I responded with, "oddly this seems to be a challenge to some people"

and he responded, with something so wonderful...about getting rid of so many lies we tell ourselves...and about unreeling the ball....knot after knot.....every day a fight to make the ball smaller.

and he was so right....it isn't so odd that this is a challenge...to everyone...I think some people make it a priority...

and some people....don't actually realize just how NOT themselves, they are...they still accept so much about them, that isn't actually ....them.


fucking brilliant...


it made me think further...yes, this is exactly the point.
This is the point..... the greatest challenge....is to be exactly who you are.  it seems like this should be the easiest, but indeed....when you think of all the things that you accept....you distort who you are....you put so many layers on yourself...hiding....protecting....layer after layer....

the biggest challenge is to be nude....to be naked.   I guess this might be why I've been drawing and painting so many nudes....a metaphor...for what I want for myself.  To shed layers of things that hide me away from what I want to be....dismantle that which does not serve.

isn't that the dream we should all have?   not for possessions....for they will never make you happy....but what of the thing that someone at 80 or 90 or 100 thinks about as they are about to cross to a different life....what is it?  what did they do on this earth?   how did they love?  what did they feel?   they don't think, at the end of their days....they wished they had more material possessions.

if by reaching a dream state of feeling the most amazingly open...nude, naked....without any hidden motives...

all actions and words coming from a place of love and not fear or control....

being as nude as you can.....attracting those who are just as nude....and having genuine interactions each coming from a place where neither is pretending or hiding.....

for isn't that the most beautiful place?   a nude beach were we can all gather and drop all the layers?

and you know.....seriously...how awkward it is when you're nude...and someone shows up....totally covered up..

a three piece tweed suit.  :)   you know what I'm talking about.....

you're sitting there....all nude....naked....open......and when you are more naked....it makes you realize just how many clothes some people have on... and just how hard it is to relate....

when people great each other.....trying to throw off all that is holding them back...they interact in a place of nakedness....


get naked.....and be vulnerable....

making that ball smaller and smaller......every single day....fight that fight..... to be free....and naked.

the more naked you are...the more you will recognize this nakedness in others...and those are the people you want to hang with.

and Peter Gabriel....

accepting all I've done and said, 
I want to stand and stare again, 
'til there's nothing left out, 
It remains there, in your eyes
whatever comes and goes, 
I will hear your silent call 
I will touch this tender wall, 
'til i know I'm home again....

in your eyes.   

man....that is a great song.  

thank you to, Alejandro....for lighting that spark to make me write this blog.....because, I was really dragging on it...and needed to get it out.

and thanks to james kalin for the perfectly timed tunes......



peace....love...and being naked.

flowing.....

I haven't posted anything in awhile...and before I get back to packing up boxes to make an international move...

I will pause....

and write.... because I think this one is important.     Imagine yourself....as a hose...with water coming out....

but something is closing off part of the hose.....and only some...gets out....the flow is impeded.

this flow of life giving water...is your love...your potential to reach all that you are and can be...it is your energy...your life force...your everything.

you control this flow.....you control the amount of happiness you feel...the amount of love you give....

the amount of energy you express.

when something happens to us....some traumatic experience happens....we start protecting that part of ourselves....which is a great agonizing...soul sucking....life-long defense....

if and only if....we allow ourselves....to release...and no longer protect....can we be free.....liberated from this...

I think I shared this before...but I can't remember....it is an important structural improvement.   :)

"...we normally attempt to solve our inner disturbances by protecting ourselves....real transformation begins when you embrace your problems as agents for growth."


you gotta feel it to heal it...and welcome change agents... 


"In order to understand how this process works, let's examine the following situation.  Imagine that you have a thorn in your arm, that directly touches a nerve.  When the thorn is touched, it's very painful..."

"this thorn is a constant source of disturbance, and to solve the problem you have only have two choices. The first choice is to look at your situation and decide that since it's so disturbing when things touch the thorn, you need to make sure nothing touches it."

- some people just avoid people....and love....and expressing love because they don't want to get hurt... They protect their heart so much and think by not letting anyone in....or not exposing themselves to love....they won't ever get hurt.....

"the second choice is to decide that since it's so disturbing when things touch the thorn, you need to take it out...Believe it or not, the effects of the choice you make will determine the course of the rest of your life....this is one of the core level, structural decisions that lays the foundation for your future."

"...if you decide you have to keep things from touching the thorn, that becomes the work of a lifetime..."

and that....is limiting....do you want to limit yourself or liberate yourself?  

the  most liberating thing to do for your life...is to stop protecting yourself so much.  I love working in binary terms to clarify....   limit=fear   liberate= love 

Limiting yourself is clearly a from a place of fear- fear of getting hurt, fear of what other people think, fear of disappointing others....

liberating yourself...means that you love yourself and others-that you only want the best for yourself and others...you want your happiness and to let love flow freely....

you need to find yourself....and love yourself....you need to take out those thorns...


(text in quotes taken from, Michael A. Singer, from The Untethered Soul: the journey beyond yourself) 

when you limit.....you close off the hose......  when you liberate....you let it flow...fully.  


it may sound counterintuitive at first, because everyone wants to protect themselves and thinks this is what brings happiness....but it is a shallow happiness that keeps you from.....something truly amazing.  

peace and love...and letting yourself flow.... like a river to the sea....unimpeded by obstacles or debris... or thorns.  

(www.tylerkentwhite.com ) 

small great things....

and so...I am packing...and as I go through drawers....the junk ones...where everything lands....

I weed through small objects such as corks, rubber bands, twisty ties, change....birthday candles...straws....chopsticks....

and in my head....as I toss things....I think...

in some kind of apocalyptic world, I might really need these things....maybe I could trade them for something...or maybe I could MacGyver them together to make a fishing pole...that would be useful....if the water is clean and there are plenty of fish...or maybe...just....you don't know how you might be able to use a cork...

because small things....can be great things.....and small steps....lead to great things....

I think it's because I really value being prepared for something unexpected.  I remember as a new mommy...with a little baby, the ability to be prepared for the unexpected made a huge difference between....smooth sailing, crisis averted....and the complete opposite shit show.  

having enough wipes on hand for a blow out...thinking ahead for possible breast feeding locations...being warm enough in the winter...having enough snacks on hand....

you kind of know...after not having these things....what is going to happen... and after once or twice.... 

you start some serious process improvement in the preparedness area....

small acts of great power... 

something so small you do today....is leading the way for something great.... 

don't waste that chance to gather up these small things....

amazing things.....happen through the smallest of steps......adding up....building.... 

peace....

and love....

and making all the small things count....never underestimate the importance of that seemingly small thing placed in your path....gather it up.....it will be important later. 

hope...

I've been reading a bunch of stuff....about hope....and what hope does to you...and your goals...

it seems you can have the ability...the talent...the knowledge....to reach a goal...but if you don't have hope...

you won't get there...


and hope....is made of love....


and conversely..... hopelessness....lacks love....

even in the darkest of situations...having the ability to reach hope....to be optimistic...to turn perceptions around and find that.....there is always light....


this is one of the most powerful things...you can do.  


and it takes practice....to rewire your brain to think in a more positive and hopeful way.....

the more you do it...

the more you can do it....easier and easier.... but it is a decision you have to make....be the victor or be the victim.



and....positive thinking...

it is contagious.  



I was reading Victor Frankl quotes....and came upon this.....as he spoke of his time walking through a cold icy night....a long walk from a hard work day...back to the concentration camps...

"a thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets,
proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers.  The truth- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which Man can aspire.  Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and believe have to impart:  the salvation of Man is through love and in love. 
 I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.  In a position of utter desolation, when Man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his stufferings in the right way- an honorable way- in such a position Man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment.  For the first time in my life I was able to understand the meaning of the words, " The Angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory."  ....



love.  


and hope.  

optimism....

faith....

having all these....and using them.....powerful tools....tools that will take you places....unbelievable places.  

peace...and love....and hope.....