shibboleths, y'all.....

y'all.

I'm moving to Texas....

and as a linguist....there is just....so much that I'm going to pick up on.....oh, man....idioms...phrases, sociolinguistic local identities....phonetic and phonological stuff....different vowel qualities....different intonations.... freaking...WOW.



after getting used to the western Canadian stuff....with shibboleths such as....the way they say, 'pasta'...and 'been'....and the way they say, 'Zed' for Z. :) I mean.....really...only Americans say, "ZEE" for Z.  :)  so, whenever I spelled out my daughter's name here in Canada....I would be identified as American right away. :)

they had this weird- i mean, not super weird, because....really...what IS weird?

but anyway...this agreement intonation that sounded almost condescending that I had to get used to....because....really...it wasn't condescending...and then....living in Canada...I started picking it up....


or the way they say "I'm done dinner".  Or "I'm done that"....(sans preposition...with) both of my kids do this.....

and now...moving to Texas....man!  it is going to be....awesome.

and of course...

the kids will start picking up all this new stuff quickly....little sponges...and will sound local in no time at all.



and yeah....more about the move coming up....soon.


peace and love...and Texas, y'all.   I'm going to try not to think about water moccasins....
the deadliest thing I deal with in Canada is a wasp (on many different levels, HA! i kid) 

portage....

so....

I was thinking....about life....as a journey, you know...it's a very common analogy....

you know...and as a journey....I was thinking about what it would be like to go on a, real, physical.... journey....one where you are completely directing it.....and one.....when you can....

flow....with the water at times.....and then at times....when you have to pick up the canoe...and portage to the next body of water....

sometimes....we flow....and sometimes we have to....lift a crazy amount of stuff....and move it...and get all gritty....

and yeah....life

it's a journey....and only you know how your journey is going.....you create the realities of your journey as well.....

you know when you can flow...and when you have to portage....you know when you need to rest...and when you need to do some hard work.....

and you, are the only one who can see what you see from your vantage point....you might be enduring 

the storm of your life....and from where you are....you do what you need to do.....because only you are aware....

of what you are going through...and the steps you need to take....

and that means....

you are the expert...of your life.....and no matter what someone else thinks.....or advice you get....

you...

know where you are and where you are going...you only have to put your ego aside...and listen to your heart....for the ego is full of fear that keeps putting doubt in your head.  

and....if this post helps anyone out there.  :)  I love that.  remember, if you are going through a crazy storm right now....

it will pass....the clouds will dissipate...and that storm will only be a memory.... :) a distant one. 

peace...and love.....and canoes.  

gone!

I'm trying to figure out....why I've been using so much grey.... it's summer...and I'm just....dragging....and so tired of the school routine...and ready for some summer....

and we are moving.....

and recently it was really hard to breathe in my house...for reasons.....

and I'm ready to use some more color....i think....

and then, I heard this Cure song, that I hadn't in so long...and remembered....sometimes you have to have a grey period...and then...get gone...sometimes The Cure...is the only cure...
and sometimes,

wow, man....The Cure just pulls you deeper into a darker place....that's. well...you gotta know when to turn it off.....and switch to something that will take you off the ledge....right?  like....what.....maybe a Marley....or a Coldplay....but definitely not Morrissey....maybe a Morrison.

or just a happy Cure song....because there are a few..... :) like Mint Car.... that's a good one or even Love Cats.....

Cure, Gone,

oh, you know how it is,
wake up feeling blue,
and everything that could be wrong is,
including you,
black clouds and rain...pain in your head
and all you want to do is stay in bed
but if you do that you'll be missing the world...
because it doesn't stop turning whatever you heard

if you do that you'll be missing the world
you have to get up, get out, and get gone!

Yeah, you know how it is, wake up feeling green
sick as a dog and six times as mean,
you don't want to sing, you don't want to play
you don't want to swing, you don't want to sway,

all you do is nothing, on a day like today,

But if you do that you'll be missing the world,
because it doesn't stop turning, whatever you heard...

you have to get up get out and get gone....
you have to get up get out and get living....



so you know how it is, wake up feeling grey,
nothing  much to think and nothing much to say,
don't want to talk, don't want to try,
don't want to think don't want to know...

who what where when or why....

..
and seriously....I'm sure days like that seem like the end....but you know...they aren't....

so....when things get grey...

even a tiny splash of warm can help....

so don't be afraid to ask...or go seek it out....

because there's aways hope 

and things can change tomorrow.  

and yeah....it hurts.....but it doesn't have to.  

peace and love....and feeling the grey.....to feel the yellow again....

#thecure

sucking less to be more...

you should never suck....just so another person should suck less....

it is so hard to see someone sad...and miss another person...but not realize that the other person just wasn't the right person for them....and they act like the victim....and they are at a low low low point...and they don't realize they have strength....because all they do is give in....give into the sadness and hurt and fear.....it's like....

standing on the edge of a cliff.....with wings.....and they are so scared to step off and fly....they just keep trembling and hanging on to the cliff....out of fear....holding on to the fear that they know....

instead of flying.....and reaching.....and creating something new for themselves....something way better....

so, instead of kicking ass.....they kinda get stuck...sucking ass....and sometimes the person who should really leave....and stop enabling something they know isn't right....

..they suck ass so that another person can suck less....so the other person can be a little bit happier...

and that's not why you're here....

what?   I mean...it's not your purpose to be here....on earth....  it's not....

to not be who you want to be...comfortable with who you are.....so that someone else's life can suck a little less...

seriously....I'm not talking about...you know...taking care of someone who needs care....so complicated, this concept.  I'm saying.......

it is not your job to make someone else's life more comfortable at the expense of all you know to be true...

I know that's hard....but sometimes, you gotta know when to get up and leave....from the table...if love is no longer being served....(Nina Simone)

right?

it's a hard time for a few people we know right now....and I'm just saying....this is a time to support growth and change....and not go down, kicking and resisting, because it's not the same as what it was before.

change is going to happen......and it's what you do with that change....that makes a huge difference between being the victim and being triumphant...resilient.  kicking ass and not sucking ass....

poise....perseverance....patience....grace....strength....wisdom....peace.....

and i just read all about something interesting....that people change and grow....and yet, as people change and grow...they refuse to let their marriage change and grow...they expect the marriage to stay the same.....they want the same person they married?  they want the same relationship to just stay the same?

why?   why would you want that?  as we grow....we support each other in growth....right?

if you were a clueless 25 year old something.....who, at 38, 39, 40....are wiser and understand yourself better.....decide you have things that are priorities...why would someone want you to just be a clueless ambition-less person your whole life?  life and experience changes us....that is a good thing.....

and sometimes change happens...whether we like it or not...it happens...and sometimes the people who need it the most.....fear it the most....and end up.....probably, looking back.....thanking the heavens....that

change finally happened.

and when you reach a point where you want to be your most authentic self....

I hope someone is there who fully supports you....who wants the best for you and who does not judge....

it's easy to think someone is crazy for wanting something different out of life....because it doesn't make the other person feel comfortable....or support their sense of safety.....

it's not your job, to suck....so someone else can suck less...that's what I'm saying.....it's not for you to not dream your dreams...

that's not why you are here...

you are here...

to dream...

and make those dreams come true.....and inspire, create, heal, grow, learn, help, and BE who you are.



so....go....out....and love......and don't suck.....you're better than that....you can be more than that.

it's probably me...

words....are so powerful....that with a single blow.....

can....melt, impress, move, inspire, empower.....amaze...and for almost a year, that I have been here....I have had some beautiful things said to me about my art....that leave me warm and gooey, and speechless...

some people have an excellent command of words....they know the impact they have...they use them wisely....crafting a message perfectly... like an artist would contemplate colors and texture...and evoke a mood....some people have such control of their words....that really....the communication coming from them....is a thing of art.

and recently...well, I've wanted to collect them all in one place...and I will do this, but recently...

a fellow artist friend, said this of my


art, 


"Your nudes are so great, loose, and yet precise, sensual yet innocent, all with such an economy of line, so expressive." 

and that....kinda...just blew me away.

this comment really struck me as....a beautiful description of my work...that I couldn't actually say myself.


so, thank you, James Kalin for that....it was beautifully said...and I'm so grateful....and I hope he doesn't mind...but

I may use this for formal things.... yes?  I hope that's ok...

because,

it is very possible...to be powerful, yet light as a feather....it is possible to be sensual yet innocent...to be so expressive....with such an economy of line....

loose, yet precise....   wow.

I think I mentioned this before....that I am haphazardly deliberate.... :)  I'm intuitive...and I kinda- just go with my first desire for movement...and not overthink.....

it's the balance of being carefree and careful?  I'm not sure....but one thing is for certain....

you would want me in your corner....I'm a terrific ally....in a dark alley.

which reminds me of this Sting song...that I love....and represents....a quiet strength and presence that we all need to know is there for us.....

and Sting....ahhh, the man...is just.....my go-to painting music....

if the night turned cold, and the stars looked down
and you hug yourself in the cold cold ground, 
you wake the morning, in a stranger's coat, 
no one would you see, 
you ask yourself, who'd watch for me...
my only friend, who could it be...

it's hard to say it....I hate to say it, but it's probably me...

when your belly's empty and the hunger's so real, 
and you're too proud to beg, and too dumb to steal, 
you search the city for your only friend, 
no one would you see, 
ask yourself, who'd watch for me....
a solitary voice to speak out and set me free....
I hate to say it, 
I hate to say it, but it's probably me....

you're not the easiest person, I ever got to know
and it's hard for us both to let our feelings show, 
some would say I should let you go your way, 
you'll only make me cry, 
but if there's one guy, just one guy, 
who'd lay down his life for you and die, 

I hate to say it...I hate to say it,  but it's probably me..

when the world's gone crazy and it makes no sense, 
there's only one voice that comes to your defense, 
and the jury's out and your eyes search the room, and one friendly face is all you need to see....

it's probably me....

Rumble House #3...

so...

I did one of those weird personality online tests where you just pick out pictures that you like....or whatever...
and this is what I got...

You are

direct, passionate, kind, funny and lively!

You're a real energyball. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you have excellent entertainer qualities. You are ready for everything and with you there's always something to laugh about. Unless, someone dares to criticize you in public. Then you loose it and you say things that you might feel sorry for later on. However, with your wit and your charm, you manage to calm things down playfully.

yo.....I'm a real energyball.  Like gas on a fire. :)  this shit is absolutely true. :)


and so....yesterday was RUMBLE HOUSE!

it was my 3rd time there....and I went with 2 gessoed old canvases....and this is what happened...



my recurring image of lovers....on canvas this time.

and this....

and then...this is Rich's painting this week....which I bought at the auction at the end of the night...

so...here's to my third week in a row at Rumble House...

peace...and love....and live art.  

Just Like Heaven....aka...strange as angels

singing....and dancing....and painting....and playing guitar.....


all, in one day...is just like heaven.....I am the happiest creating and spreading love....


what is your purpose?  people love to ask this.....what is my purpose?  should we all have a purpose?  do we have to?  

I guess mine would be to inspire and heal....my purpose is to touch people with light...spreading the gift of love and beauty....to instill...promote....stir up...

hope.  


and today....I remember the Cure...and how happy this song makes me...and how much.....love is...


all around...

the beauty in everything... 

it's contagious.....love is contagious....

and it

makes the world go 'round.  

peace...and love....and heaven, Bliss town, USA.  :) 

opiate...aka why we create....

I'm totally getting ready for Rumble House this week....so I am prepared to kick ass.


I have covered two old canvases in gesso...they've been sitting in the basement since...forever....and I will

breathe new life into them.  :)  right?

I mean....sometimes it takes a little magic....to breathe new life into something....something that was....

left....in the basement.....for years....and.....

:)

also, I'm working on something with watercolor and tissue paper....and OY....it is NOT turning out how I had hoped....

but sometimes....ideas don't work out....and you need to go back to the drawing board...or maybe it's not the idea...

but how you conduct yourself around the elements....maybe I'm not listening enough to what they have to say and I'm trying to force them into something they are not...you know....profound stuff in art.  

(OY, UGH....and all that.....tissue and gouache.....I think I need to approach this differently, totally not even whispering life into this yet....)

that's ok...it's better than ok....sometimes you have to sit back and listen....and figure out the next step.....

it's totally growing and getting better...

and then...like Jaime Wyeth said... you have that moment...when you breathe life into something...it comes alive...and it's on fire with life....it's that opiate....it's the reason why we paint.



peace...and love....and breathing life into something that sat in hibernation for too long.  

coordinate system...

I never met a potato I didn't like.....


anyway.....

we wake up....we eat breakfast....maybe have coffee?  we get kids ready for the day...we get ourselves ready for the day....we drive places.....to and from.....we have a place we call 'home'....whatever that may mean....

we eat....we drink.....we entertain ourselves....we interact with others....hopefully enjoying someone's company....we communicate....we do social media...connecting with friends and family....we document our day in a number of ways....we do all these things from a physical place....a place with a defined coordinate system....

and then....we sleep.....and we dream......and we go places....where nobody can track....or define....no coordinate system...no IP address....




and sometimes we wake up......open our eyes....awake wherever we closed our eyes hours before...

and we forget....where we had been.....sometimes.

and

sometimes...


we remember.

we recall.....a place...that when we wake...it lingers....and we exist between a place of definitions....and a place of none.

and it is this memory....that makes us understand...that not all things...define where we go, who we are, and what we do.....it is this memory...

that can help us...reassure us...that we can let go of the rigidity and confinement...

and just....be.

in a world of possibility.



peace...and love...and dreams.....and places with no defined coordinate system. 

Sundazed

i have no idea.....why...I'm in a really weird mood....and when I say, weird, I mean, kinda goofy...

maybe I'm giddy about moving....

and here...I offer a look into my creative day, because...it's cool to share stories...we should all share more.

so, I'm showering, yesterday....and I get this idea....so I cut the water....walk out of the shower...grab a watercolor pencil...

hit the shower again....turn on the water....and well, because I was cold....and start drawing in the shower....

a sketch...because I got this thing in my head.....

and then, I thought...of another thing....that would be so cool, (and now this is time and date stamped)...but wouldn't it be cool, maybe I can hook up with 3M and make some neat drawing/sketch/idea board for the shower???  like some water based....something, seriously- if you swipe the idea, I totally get credit for it. :)

you know....ideas....come to you in the shower....well, they come to me... :) it's like, I'm in a warm box of white canvas surrounding me...and the ideas flow out like the water...and.....words, words, words...

and out of the shower....it's like....a horse out of the starting gate...and I kinda need to rush to something....and put stuff down....which then lead me to a photo I took of dandelions...and so I had to grab a canvas and masking fluid and start throwing down splashes of that...to form the basis of the dandelions....and then I thought....oh yeah, I need some music for this part...so I hit U2 Bad, real loud.

and then, I finished that, I remembered I wanted to work out a song on my guitar....but the chords were too hard...so I had to go find my uke....



and so.....it's kind of like...a wave of creativity comes....and it kind of sweeps you away....

and

so....I have a watercolor pencil in the shower.





peace and love...and creating beauty......because it's kind of....mandatory....

frisson....

music....

can....

take you from one point to another....

take you from one mood to another....

take you from one memory to another....

take you from one location to another...

music can make you....

a time traveler,

inspire you into creativity

inspire you to love....

inspire you to move....

and

comfort you...

music....is always surrounding me..... it can be a good indicator of my mood.....

when I'm mad....I like to listen to music....that either helps me process that mood....or puts up a war flag....

and when I'm furious....the music turns off.  that's when you know.....

i'm beyond mad.



:)   but anyhoooo!    it's not like I WANT to be mad...and right now... it's a lovely day....and I'm listening to....

good music....

a little War on Drugs....

speaking of drugs...or chemicals...or.....whatnot..... that feeling...when you hear a great song...and the music sends chills up and down your body....

I was reading an article about these little skin orgasms?  chills...also called, frisson...which is French for, shiver....

people who are really engaged in...and open to experience....will feel these emotive sensations.....but, really,

I want to read about what chemical triggers this feeling....so...I'll keep digging at it....

because...


these little shivers.....really communicate something.  you know?


peace...and love....and frisson.....

which reminds me...as a note to myself, for later research on that other music thing I want to look at, my blog is going to turn into random notes to myself...hmmmmm....which makes me think of linguistic and music connections....(another note to myself)....

cool. 

David Brian Huron (2006). Sweet Anticipation: Music and the Psychology of Expectation. MIT Press. pp. 5–. ISBN 978-0-262-08345-4.

renovations...

I read the most incredible thing....amazing....analogy.....


it has to do with renovations, in a sense....renovating that which you want changed....with the analogy of...let's say...

a kitchen reno.  (courtesy of mysticmamma...which I love.)

before I get into it....I just want to say, this is one of the hardest things for me to do....I really dislike the, worst before it's better stage of things....the stage where you take everything out of place....where things are strewn around the yard during a major overhaul...but I know....it's going to be awesome...I just start getting insane with the insanity.

but, yeah....it's exciting stuff....because....what I read.....made me feel...clearer and lighter....


ok, so here I am going to paraphrase it...just because....i'm processing it....

so, let's say you want to remodel a room....let's say the kitchen..or bathroom...or whatever space in your house... you really want to change something about this space...it no longer serves you....the way you need it to...

this space....feels so small to you now....it has it's limits and you need to get creative with a solution that will support what you need...but you keep running into walls, as it were...you go around and around with ideas about how to change it...but you can't ever come up with something...you're stuck....

you need a solution, but you just can't seem to come up with something that will ultimately inspire the change you need...

you see...everything was working fine, until now...but....because...you've changed, you need this space to change....

and then....through some miracle....through some fresh eyes....through some guidance....or some sudden realization...you figure it out...you've got an idea...how to approach this space...to make it bigger...to make it suit you better...to meet your needs...and in giving you more space...it gives you more room to grow and support your change....

and it was this shift....that now inspires you to carry on.....when before you felt in a stuck state....going 'round and 'round never making headway....you now have a fresh approach and are inspired to do what is needed to change this space....you have direction.

tearing down walls....being prepared for the chaos before things fall into place....you will need to be patient....

renovations are messy.....crap is everywhere....dust...you think..when will I ever be done?
 but you hold on to your vision....because you know you will get there....

and so....

that's what you do......if you want to renovate something...and change something in your life...

you might have to tear down a wall...get messy....sometimes passionate creativity leaves a bunch of dust in it's wake....

but that's what you do....if you need things to change....


peace and love....and renovations.  

#change
#remodel

detox and intox...

a clay mask...to detox... :) get the crappy crappiness out. 

hey, you didn't sign up for this life to spend it hanging with toxic people....

so, maybe it's time to detoxify....

instead...

look for the intoxicating...

I'm just saying.....

wash...rinse....repeat if necessary. 

peace...and love.....

and

intoxicating...and detoxifying....